Reading should be a love affair not an obligation

Six simple steps to help you fall in love with books all over again

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Without further ado, today’s pocket.

Patio of an Albuquerque coffee shop which was perfect for reading

I have always loved to read. When I was a kid, my favorite thing to read was The Babysitter’s Club by Ann M. Martin. It was 1988, Adventures in Babysitting had just come out, and Elizabeth Shue made the mundane job of babysitting seem sexy and cool. I desperately wanted to baby-sit. Ever the entrepreneur, I made business cards and flyers that my dad photocopied for me on the machines in his print shop. My flyers were attractive, and my rate was affordable, but despite my best efforts, none of our neighbors would hire me because I was nine. Saddened by my unemployed status, I lived vicariously through Claudia, Marianne, Kristy, and the one sitter whose name I can never remember. My summers were free, mostly spent swimming at the pool, and then going to the library and coming home with a stack of Babysitter’s Club books. I took my stack to my room and read and read and read until the heat and the chlorine and the words took me into a sweet slumber where all my baby-sitting dreams came true.

I loved The Babysitter’s Club series with all my heart, but one day I decided I needed to read more serious books. I don’t know if this realization came from a small comment a relative or a teacher made or from my own inner critic, but I put my favorite books aside and made a list of classic literature I deemed more worthy of my time. It was my first lesson in not letting myself love what I love. I set about reading the books on my list and crossed them off with the same fierce determination I once applied to pursuing a career in baby-sitting. These new books meant nothing to me. I didn’t love them. I didn’t even like them. I didn’t care about them in the same way I cared whether the girls would forgive Kristy for taking a sitting job without telling them or whether Mary Anne and Stacey, Stacey, that’s her name, would let a cute boy at the beach get in the way of their friendship. In fact, it wasn’t until I read East of Eden by John Steinbeck, that I enjoyed any of those “classic” books. East of Eden was a book I wanted to spend time with, but also a book I could bring home to my parents.

I still love reading, and while I challenge myself from time to time with a book that makes me work, I mostly find that I want to read books that make me feel the way The Babysitter’s Club books did, books I can’t wait to pick up, books I don’t want to put down, books I can’t stop thinking about. It is such a good feeling to wholeheartedly love a book, to long for it, to think about when you will spend more time together. Reading should be a love affair, not an obligation.

If your relationship with reading lately feels more like a duty than a dance, don’t worry. I’ve got you. Here are a few tips that have helped me spice up my relationship with books, learned the hard way over the years.

1. Don’t waste your time on books that don’t deserve you.

Seriously. Apply the rule of 100 minus your age, that I learned from my librarian friends. Subtract your age from 100. This is the number of pages you should give a book to pique your interest. This equation means the older you are the less you should be wasting your time on something you don’t like. This makes sense because us older folks have less time to waste. If a book has not hooked you by the time you reach your allotted pages, let it go. I don’t care if it’s a book your best friend hooked you up with, or a book that the rest of the world is also wanting to get with. If you don’t care about it by the time you reach x number of pages, let it go. It’s not for you.

2. Consider a second date. Reread.

We don’t think twice about eating our favorite foods again and again. We want to wear our favorite cozy sweater more than anything else. We listen to our favorite song hundreds upon hundreds of times, but when it comes to books, we tend to think, we’ve read it, now, let’s move on. Why would we return to a beloved book when there’s so many other books out there? The answer to this question is in the question. We return to a beloved book because its beloved. Rereading books reminds us why we love them so much, something any good relationship needs. Often the second or third time around, these books stick with us in more lasting ways. This is why I love children’s books and poems so much. I have read them dozens upon dozens of times until they’re a part of me.

3. Make it fun. Visit a local bookstore or library where you can peruse the shelves and touch the books. See what the people who work there recommend and start reading the first few pages. Recently, at our local bookstore, I played a game, where I roamed the shelves, for all the bargain books, labeled with a special reduced priced sticker. These are the gently used books people donate to the bookstore for a small commission. I scanned the shelves for stickers until I found a book that looked interesting. Then, I read the first few pages to make sure I wanted to take it home with me.

4. Ask a friend to set you up. If you haven’t read anything good in a while, check in with your friends who know and love you. See what they are reading and ask them what they think might be a good match for you. If you don’t have friends who can do this for you, may I suggest my friend Andrea who writes Literary Merit and does this for her readers, for free.

5. Take your book some place nice. It doesn’t have to be fancy. You can set up a cozy nook in your house for reading. May I suggest a soft throw blanket and pillows? Perhaps, place a bookmark, pens and sticky index tabs in your nightstand, if that’s your thing. If your house doesn’t do it for you, or the people there always want something from you, try a coffee shop or a local park. I personally like to read outside with a cup of tea and some dark chocolate. For me, that’s the perfect trifecta. I encourage you to find yours.

6. Commit. This may seem contradictory to the advice above, but when you find the right book, commit to it. If it’s a library copy, let yourself take pictures of passages you like, or perhaps write a few quotes down. I stopped writing in my books after college. I think it felt too much like school. However, recently, I have started writing in books that belong to me again. I underline points that stick with me, things I want to remember or share, and lines that I love. This conversation with my books has taken our relationship to a whole new level.

This was my $7.99 bookstore find. I’m enjoying it so much. Oddly enough, I’m pretty sure I read it before but completely forgot I did so.

I would love to continue this conversation in the comments. What is your reading life like these days? What tips do you have for sparking passion and keeping the magic alive? What’s on your nightstand now?