Oh Rachel, thank you for sharing this story with us. Man, it sucks when we reach out for help only to be further victimized. Thank goodness for books. I’m so glad you found us here.
Were you the one that told me about the kit Celeste? 🥰 Would you consider sharing your poem here?
In Padraig’s Poetry Unbound Substack, he asked about your relationship to time. Here’s what I wrote.
I love when I can lose track of time, have what Cheri Maples called a zen moment. This happened yesterday when I wrote about reading ironically as a way to escape. It happens often when I garden. It’s delicious and I wish it happened more. Yesterday before noon I felt like the day was over and I would not accomplish all that was on my list, and it’s a holiday weekend. So maybe my expectations for time and myself are too high.
May 28, 2023·edited May 28, 2023Liked by Mary Hutto Fruchter
Oh, how I relate to overachieving as a response to trauma. I definitely found solace, escape, and adventure in books throughout my life. I also got a bird bath for my birthday earlier this month because we had a drought last year, and the birds seemed grateful for any puddle. Can’t wait to see who visits. Enjoy the bird watching (I can’t believe that kit costs so much! Thank goodness for libraries.)
Sherri and Kristi, I became a paid subscriber to the Isolation Journals last month- they offered me 3 free paid subscriptions for a month- I think I just give them the email of anyone who is interested. Let me know if either of you is interested.
Can you try replying to the Substack post that comes in your inbox? I haven’t figured out how to use Substack mail yet. Perhaps, you could send a test email and we can see if it works.
I have a little bird bath that used to be a fountain. I am curious if it will get visitors. I am going to hang old sunflowers up today and see if that attracts some friends. I am getting a kick out of these binoculars. I think I will probably invest in my own pair. Today I saw a mating pair of red winged blackbirds, and I was struck by how beautiful the female bird was.
I got a new pair of binoculars for Christmas from my husband and have been carrying them on most walks...delighted to see birds up close and even using them to get a closer look at the blossoms on the top of a tree!
Loved this. I’ve taken to audiobooks as opposed to reading from the actual pages so I can still “get lost” while driving alone, cooking dinner, etc. And autobiographies are my jam! Double bonus if the author actually narrates. But I remember reading The Book Thief for a grad school class when I was in NYC and that book absolutely distracted me from riding the stinky NY subway system. :-)
Oh, I love all this. Thanks for the reminder to escape, and the book recommendations. Do you know the poem "Wondrous" by Sarah Freligh, about E.B. White? I wrote about it last fall. https://writingincompany.substack.com/p/wondrous-to-behold
You're welcome. I saw a post the other day where a man went to the library to get a book called "The Shrunken White Elephant Style," and was angry when he couldn't find it. Of course the librarian figured it out.
I love this so much. Having been in and out of therapy since I was 17, it was basically ingrained in my mind that purposely doing anything to “escape” was bad. I cant begin to count how many times I was asked to come up with a list of coping tools only to be told that everything I came up with was “just a distraction”, making me feel as if I’d somehow failed (ironically, one of the beliefs I held which landed me there in the first place). I agree that avoidance is not healthy, but there are times we can all use an escape. For some, that can be a 5 minute walk, but others (or during more difficult times), it might be a lot more.
In 2019, life happened and I ended up living in my car for a couple years. I rediscovered the Libby app and began listening to audiobooks in order to pass time. Getting lost in the stories allowed me forget about what was going on in my own life, even if only for a couple minutes and is one of a few things I truly believe saved my life during that time.
I visited friends in Birch Bay this weekend. They have a gorgeous property with amazing views and so many beautiful and interesting birds. I came home excited to work on attracting more birds into my yard. Then I read your post about the bird watching kit and ways you bring birds into your garden and became even more inspired. Your mom’s words also resonate with me- “ balance and moderation”. I am most definitely not an over achiever by any stretch. I justify this character trait by telling myself the key to a healthy life is everything in moderation. The mantra helps when I just want to read a book on my patio and watch the birds.
The birdwatching kit!! 🥰🥰😍😍 yay! Also the productivity demon is one I am particularly acquainted with. I wrote a poem this week for myself about longing to spread out the blanket of time with nothing to do, nowhere to be but then the timekeepers always creep in tapping their watches telling me it’s time to move on to the next task.
I haven’t read books multiple times for comfort, only for reference (like books about writing). I have a friend who reads Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L’Engle every summer, which sounds lovely.
What a wonderful essay and list if reads. I've read and loved many if the books you e listed I especially appreciate what you've said here about allowing one's self to lie fallow. I reach for a book to escape and only realize later that my sounl was fed in a way I needed.
That On Being podcast on biomimicry was amazing. A paradigm shifter for me. Perhaps if we look to nature, it will show us the way out of the mess we’ve created. So hopeful.
I want to make this a fluff reading summer. I used to read a lot of fiction but have found myself reading so much non fiction in recent years that I often feel like I’m missing out. You can’t go wrong with Ann Patchett!
Love this post! I’m going to have to sit with overachieving as a trauma response for a while. 😬 I trust Lisa Jewell, Liane Moriarty, and Tana French to help me escape when I need a break from analyzing myself.
Oh Rachel, thank you for sharing this story with us. Man, it sucks when we reach out for help only to be further victimized. Thank goodness for books. I’m so glad you found us here.
Were you the one that told me about the kit Celeste? 🥰 Would you consider sharing your poem here?
In Padraig’s Poetry Unbound Substack, he asked about your relationship to time. Here’s what I wrote.
I love when I can lose track of time, have what Cheri Maples called a zen moment. This happened yesterday when I wrote about reading ironically as a way to escape. It happens often when I garden. It’s delicious and I wish it happened more. Yesterday before noon I felt like the day was over and I would not accomplish all that was on my list, and it’s a holiday weekend. So maybe my expectations for time and myself are too high.
Oh, how I relate to overachieving as a response to trauma. I definitely found solace, escape, and adventure in books throughout my life. I also got a bird bath for my birthday earlier this month because we had a drought last year, and the birds seemed grateful for any puddle. Can’t wait to see who visits. Enjoy the bird watching (I can’t believe that kit costs so much! Thank goodness for libraries.)
We had the immense pleasure of watching two wee pine siskins splashing and bathing together last weekend in our birdbath 💜
So far I’ve seen a robin and a female cardinal.
Sherri and Kristi, I became a paid subscriber to the Isolation Journals last month- they offered me 3 free paid subscriptions for a month- I think I just give them the email of anyone who is interested. Let me know if either of you is interested.
Mary could you email me? Rachelmk55@gmail.com
Can you try replying to the Substack post that comes in your inbox? I haven’t figured out how to use Substack mail yet. Perhaps, you could send a test email and we can see if it works.
Sent. 🤞🏼
Would you like the subscription to the Isolation Journals?
It’s about that but a little complicated. Plus you offered it to someone else so they should get it first.
I have a little bird bath that used to be a fountain. I am curious if it will get visitors. I am going to hang old sunflowers up today and see if that attracts some friends. I am getting a kick out of these binoculars. I think I will probably invest in my own pair. Today I saw a mating pair of red winged blackbirds, and I was struck by how beautiful the female bird was.
I got a new pair of binoculars for Christmas from my husband and have been carrying them on most walks...delighted to see birds up close and even using them to get a closer look at the blossoms on the top of a tree!
I just ordered a pair. 🤗
Loved this. I’ve taken to audiobooks as opposed to reading from the actual pages so I can still “get lost” while driving alone, cooking dinner, etc. And autobiographies are my jam! Double bonus if the author actually narrates. But I remember reading The Book Thief for a grad school class when I was in NYC and that book absolutely distracted me from riding the stinky NY subway system. :-)
I never thought of overachieving as a response to trauma. I can see how that could be true for me. I must ponder on it.
Oh, I love all this. Thanks for the reminder to escape, and the book recommendations. Do you know the poem "Wondrous" by Sarah Freligh, about E.B. White? I wrote about it last fall. https://writingincompany.substack.com/p/wondrous-to-behold
Thank you for this article. I loved it. E. B. White is a favorite in my house, both for his fiction and for the Strunk and White Elements of Style.
Ah yes, Strunk and White. I guess I once knew that was E.B. White, but had forgotten! Thanks
You're welcome. I saw a post the other day where a man went to the library to get a book called "The Shrunken White Elephant Style," and was angry when he couldn't find it. Of course the librarian figured it out.
So good!
I also forgot about Elements of Style. Thank you!
I loved your post. Thanks for sharing Julie. It reminded me of reading it to my kids. I may have shed a few tears.
I love this so much. Having been in and out of therapy since I was 17, it was basically ingrained in my mind that purposely doing anything to “escape” was bad. I cant begin to count how many times I was asked to come up with a list of coping tools only to be told that everything I came up with was “just a distraction”, making me feel as if I’d somehow failed (ironically, one of the beliefs I held which landed me there in the first place). I agree that avoidance is not healthy, but there are times we can all use an escape. For some, that can be a 5 minute walk, but others (or during more difficult times), it might be a lot more.
In 2019, life happened and I ended up living in my car for a couple years. I rediscovered the Libby app and began listening to audiobooks in order to pass time. Getting lost in the stories allowed me forget about what was going on in my own life, even if only for a couple minutes and is one of a few things I truly believe saved my life during that time.
I visited friends in Birch Bay this weekend. They have a gorgeous property with amazing views and so many beautiful and interesting birds. I came home excited to work on attracting more birds into my yard. Then I read your post about the bird watching kit and ways you bring birds into your garden and became even more inspired. Your mom’s words also resonate with me- “ balance and moderation”. I am most definitely not an over achiever by any stretch. I justify this character trait by telling myself the key to a healthy life is everything in moderation. The mantra helps when I just want to read a book on my patio and watch the birds.
The birdwatching kit!! 🥰🥰😍😍 yay! Also the productivity demon is one I am particularly acquainted with. I wrote a poem this week for myself about longing to spread out the blanket of time with nothing to do, nowhere to be but then the timekeepers always creep in tapping their watches telling me it’s time to move on to the next task.
I’ve read the Melissa Sweet book twice and plan to reread it again soon! 💜
I haven’t read books multiple times for comfort, only for reference (like books about writing). I have a friend who reads Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L’Engle every summer, which sounds lovely.
That book looks so lovely. Have you read it Jen?
I read it once but haven’t re-read it like my friend does.
What a wonderful essay and list if reads. I've read and loved many if the books you e listed I especially appreciate what you've said here about allowing one's self to lie fallow. I reach for a book to escape and only realize later that my sounl was fed in a way I needed.
Get comfy on a porch with Humane Gardener, then plant the plants to bring the birds (and others) to you. :)
That On Being podcast on biomimicry was amazing. A paradigm shifter for me. Perhaps if we look to nature, it will show us the way out of the mess we’ve created. So hopeful.
Indeed. I loved it so much too, and I concur completely.
I want to make this a fluff reading summer. I used to read a lot of fiction but have found myself reading so much non fiction in recent years that I often feel like I’m missing out. You can’t go wrong with Ann Patchett!
I heard her latest book is really good.
Love this post! I’m going to have to sit with overachieving as a trauma response for a while. 😬 I trust Lisa Jewell, Liane Moriarty, and Tana French to help me escape when I need a break from analyzing myself.