The Language of Letting Go

What Melody Beattie and Yoga with Adriene Seem to Have in Common

Welcome to Pocketful of Prose, a community for sharing stories. This month I am writing about letting go. I think my pockets even inspired some of you to sort through your basement bins. Good job! I have been taking regular trips to Value Village, our local thrift store, and it feels so good to let things go. Shedding, though, isn’t just a physical act, it is also a spiritual and emotional one. When the butterfly emerges from the chrysalis, she is something new. This process takes time, and it requires her to let go of who she was before.

Butterflies speak the language of letting go. This language isn’t as natural to me. To help with my transformation, I am seeking instructions. Who better to counsel me than Melody Beattie who wrote The Language of Letting Go? My aunt gifted me The Language of Letting Go when I was a teenager. My book had a different cover. It was yellow with flowers on it. I like Melody’s new cover though. It’s fitting. The Language of Letting Go is a series of meditations designed to remind you to take responsibility for your own self-care and to let go of thinking you can solve everyone else’s problems.

Melody is the author of eighteen books. Her book Codependent No More was first published in 1986. In the fall of 2022, Melody released a revised an updated version of the book with a new chapter on anxiety and trauma. In the fall of 2022, we found out that Mateo, our foster son, who had lived with us for a year and a half was returning to his birth family. In the fall of 2022, my best friend and next-door neighbor decided suddenly that she was moving back to the mid-west to be closer to family. In the fall of 2022, I realized I needed some help letting go. When I saw that Melody had a new version of her book out, I immediately requested it from my bookstore. I picked it up and put it in a pile in my house somewhere, where it sat untouched for over a year.

In my recent organizational attempts, I found the book again, or rather the book found me.

A codependent person, according to Melody, is anyone who has “let another person’s behavior affect them and who is obsessed with controlling that other person’s behavior.”

I’m not sure if I’m codependent, but as I read the book, I keep finding things that apply to people in my life, and I start thinking about how I should tell them to read the book, so they can change.

Melody says I am not “responsible for making other people see the light,” which causes my jaw to drop a little. I take my responsibility for other people seriously. Is she for real?

I think about how when I am alone, I feel free. Solitude is good for the soul, but I wonder if part of the reason I crave solitude is because it allows me to let go of the responsibility I feel for the people I love. A crazy thought begins to form in my head. What if this kind of freedom is possible all the time?

In addition to reading Melody’s book, I’ve been practicing yoga with Adriene this month. Adriene tells me to listen to the sound of my breath, so I can notice when it changes in stressful situations. She says that if I listen to the sound of my breathing, I can always return to it, even when things go awry. She tells me to clench my fists, my jaw, my stomach and then to release and let everything go. Adriene speaks the language of letting go.

One of the most basic yoga practices is Sukhasana, or easy pose. As I sit in this pose, Adriene tells me only I am responsible for my inner peace. Nothing feels easy right now, not the pose, not the peace, nothing. Adriene tells me the more I practice this position, the more comfortable it will feel. Sukhasana will one day feel natural. For now, the freedom is fleeting, like a snowflake, but I can briefly taste it, and with each breath I build my capacity.

Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash

In the final pose, shavasana, I close my eyes and imagine myself in a chrysalis, not forcing change, not fighting it either, just letting things happen naturally, readying myself for flight.

I would love to continue this conversation in the comments. What resonates with you? What have you read lately that’s changing you? Do you also love Melody’s books or doing yoga with Adriene? Tell us why.