Oh Mary, what a wonder. I resonated so hard, I almost fell off my chair.(I am sitting in a coffee shop, working on my own writing.) The yard things, yes, yes. Our middle child would run out to the yard before her dad mowed the lawn to rescue every last dandeliion and put it into water. The beauty is in the realness that you feel when you look at your yard, your garden-reflecting who you really are instead of who you think you should be. As far as the body stuff goes, the battle is real. We are so deeply programmed by our culture that being thin is the altar we MUST worship at, we have some cognitive dissonance when we choose another way. Stay the course. Your body thanks you.
It makes me so happy to think of you writing in a coffee shop, and it totally tickles me that my writing almost made you fall of your chair. What a compliment. I will stay the course my friend- thank you for your kind words. I cheer you on and hope you continue to get to the coffee shop.
Seeing all the dandelion fluff in your photos reminded me how much little children love their favorite flower ;-) You have a yard full of potential wishes just waiting to be made! Enjoy the flowers and the bees; they're all beautiful, and so are you!
Mary, your reflections brought lots of reflecting ... this spring I put artificial turf in a backyard that had dedicated itself to moss and mud; last Thursday I surgically addressed a sagging eyelid (you know how things begin to sag with age? Well, even eyelids can get into the game!); and I chose Anne's newest book of essays as the sisters' gift for my annual Sedona Sisters' Weekend (last weekend). Guess with each year we discover the ways to be bolder, braver - breaking from convention and living with intention (wait, there could be a poem in there! : ) I have 25 years on you, and this rippling and operating system updating will likely revisit as the retirement years make space for new ways of being in the third chapter of life (another Anne Lamott-ism). Like, can it really be OK to sit and linger over other people's writing and simply enjoy our shared humanity across the words and the miles? System update: YES!!
I am also loving Anne’s book, I love them all. Last night I wrote down this quote from her book, “The easiest way to get present is to sing, because you can’t move to the next note until you’ve finished the one you’re singing”
I am now a desert dweller but dandelions will forever be my favorite “flower” and when I find one here it is like a wonderful present!
I love your writing. I love the thoughtful way you consider your world and your own image in the mirror. I offer this from my perch almost 30 years past menopause: the extra weight we gain in peri-menopause helps mitigate the symptoms of that big change. It's there for a reason that is entirely biological, and it challenges us to not only accept but also to appreciate this body that knows more than our brains do and certainly knows more than the world around us would have us believe. I appreciate your words, your thoughts, and your honest open heart.
Verna! You just made my jaw drop. When my oldest son was about 10 he suddenly gained a lot of weight. His grandad commented on it, much to my annoyance, and I told him it was for biological reasons - he was about to have a growth spurt. Which he did. Never crossed my mind to apply that to myself as my body changes. Thank you!
Thank you for this reflection, and especially for the Rumi poem. I loved seeing your yard in all its creative flourishing too! Seems to me you are "rewiring" your life, something I wrote about in a post a week or so ago, finding new pathways to allow yourself to flourish without pushing, without trying to fit into a mold that doesn't fit (and isn't healthy anyway), without succumbing to the mores and standards that no longer work. It's difficult work, this seeing ourselves anew and finding new ways of being that heal us and the world around us, but it's what we all need now, what the world needs now. Thank you for persevering and writing about the journey!
Thanks for reading Susan and for these thoughts. Feel free to link that post here so folks can find it. I’d love to read it. I write about blackout poetry at the beginning of this month as an opportunity to reframe and your thoughts go hand in hand with that.
Oh it sounds like this book should go on my list. It’s so hard, isn’t it, breaking from those societal values! I am with you in the middle age weight gain. It is such a battle to accept. Yesterday, though, I read that fat produces estrogen which we are in the process of losing, so in some ways that fat is protective. Helping us adjust to menopause, giving us a leg up against osteoporosis. 🤔
I love that Kim. Where did you read that? Would you share it here? It wasn’t my favorite of her books, but I couldn’t wait to read it each day and I walked away wiser.
What a delightful Sunday morning essay! Your garden looks beautiful 😍 And your thoughts on shame are spot-on. It is so hard to update our wiring, isn't it? I have similar yard and body issues. So many weeds. Think I'll work on doing with my unwanted thoughts what I do with my dandelions: note their presence and then let them be. We're all always works in progress, aren't we?
I resonate with all of this post, but especially the body thoughts. Who is that woman on video who is 47, which is twenty years older than I think I am? I have been making videos of poetry readings over on my Substack, and hitting "publish" no matter what the recording reveals of my chin or cheeks or neck has been humbling. I have been trying to love her, this beautiful middle-aged woman who is myself. I am glad to be companioned in this.
Oh the neck….I get it Rebecca. I am finding the more I reframe, the more I can love myself as I am. It works more of the time. I hope you find the same. I’m going to check out your poems this week. 🌻
What a gorgeous post. Your yard is beautiful and so are you.
“It’s almost like my mind hasn’t updated yet. She’s still trying to run windows 2000. She doesn’t realize the system is no longer compatible.” This is a perfect analogy. I am with you. Thank you so much for thinking of me.
Wow, I loved reading this. I'm 47 and relate to so much of what you said. Especially loved this: "It’s almost like my mind hasn’t updated yet. She’s still trying to run windows 2000. She doesn’t realize the system is no longer compatible. My current choices do not align with my past values, and this leads to confusion, and if I’m not careful, it can lead to shame." Also, your yard is beautiful! In my backyard, everything is only just beginning to wake up, but now I want to sit out there and read Anne Lamott's book.
Love this Mary! Anne Lamott’s books have been such guardian angels to me since high school! i haven’t gotten my hands on this one yet but am excited too! And shame has definitely been a frequent visitor to my guest house. It is always the best shame-antidote when I am reminded I am not alone in my shame. Thanks as always for sharing your grace with us!💗
Were you reading my journal this week? I wrote about yard shame and dandelions and when did I cross over from a child who delighted in the fluff scattering on the breeze into an adult conflicted about a yard gone wild? My post on Wednesday may be about it. Thanks for reminding me of Rumi’s guesthouse, and the recommendation for Anne’s latest. Great writing, as always.
Thank you! Looking at the pics helped me remember where I am at and where I’m going. I appreciate your readership, solidarity and kind thoughts about my writing, Katie.
Oh Mary, what a wonder. I resonated so hard, I almost fell off my chair.(I am sitting in a coffee shop, working on my own writing.) The yard things, yes, yes. Our middle child would run out to the yard before her dad mowed the lawn to rescue every last dandeliion and put it into water. The beauty is in the realness that you feel when you look at your yard, your garden-reflecting who you really are instead of who you think you should be. As far as the body stuff goes, the battle is real. We are so deeply programmed by our culture that being thin is the altar we MUST worship at, we have some cognitive dissonance when we choose another way. Stay the course. Your body thanks you.
It makes me so happy to think of you writing in a coffee shop, and it totally tickles me that my writing almost made you fall of your chair. What a compliment. I will stay the course my friend- thank you for your kind words. I cheer you on and hope you continue to get to the coffee shop.
Seeing all the dandelion fluff in your photos reminded me how much little children love their favorite flower ;-) You have a yard full of potential wishes just waiting to be made! Enjoy the flowers and the bees; they're all beautiful, and so are you!
A yard full of wishes. I love that! You are beautiful too!
Mary, your reflections brought lots of reflecting ... this spring I put artificial turf in a backyard that had dedicated itself to moss and mud; last Thursday I surgically addressed a sagging eyelid (you know how things begin to sag with age? Well, even eyelids can get into the game!); and I chose Anne's newest book of essays as the sisters' gift for my annual Sedona Sisters' Weekend (last weekend). Guess with each year we discover the ways to be bolder, braver - breaking from convention and living with intention (wait, there could be a poem in there! : ) I have 25 years on you, and this rippling and operating system updating will likely revisit as the retirement years make space for new ways of being in the third chapter of life (another Anne Lamott-ism). Like, can it really be OK to sit and linger over other people's writing and simply enjoy our shared humanity across the words and the miles? System update: YES!!
Yes. 🤗 I’m so glad you are here.
I am also loving Anne’s book, I love them all. Last night I wrote down this quote from her book, “The easiest way to get present is to sing, because you can’t move to the next note until you’ve finished the one you’re singing”
I am now a desert dweller but dandelions will forever be my favorite “flower” and when I find one here it is like a wonderful present!
“I seek to be healthy, not small.” That’s such a powerful line. It serves as a good reminder that we all deserve to take up space in the world.
Here’s to taking up space!
I love your writing. I love the thoughtful way you consider your world and your own image in the mirror. I offer this from my perch almost 30 years past menopause: the extra weight we gain in peri-menopause helps mitigate the symptoms of that big change. It's there for a reason that is entirely biological, and it challenges us to not only accept but also to appreciate this body that knows more than our brains do and certainly knows more than the world around us would have us believe. I appreciate your words, your thoughts, and your honest open heart.
Verna! You just made my jaw drop. When my oldest son was about 10 he suddenly gained a lot of weight. His grandad commented on it, much to my annoyance, and I told him it was for biological reasons - he was about to have a growth spurt. Which he did. Never crossed my mind to apply that to myself as my body changes. Thank you!
Same! I love thinking of it this way. Thank you Verna!
Oh Verna, what a lovely comment. Thank you for your kind words and your wisdom on the next stage. 🤗
Thank you for this reflection, and especially for the Rumi poem. I loved seeing your yard in all its creative flourishing too! Seems to me you are "rewiring" your life, something I wrote about in a post a week or so ago, finding new pathways to allow yourself to flourish without pushing, without trying to fit into a mold that doesn't fit (and isn't healthy anyway), without succumbing to the mores and standards that no longer work. It's difficult work, this seeing ourselves anew and finding new ways of being that heal us and the world around us, but it's what we all need now, what the world needs now. Thank you for persevering and writing about the journey!
Thanks for reading Susan and for these thoughts. Feel free to link that post here so folks can find it. I’d love to read it. I write about blackout poetry at the beginning of this month as an opportunity to reframe and your thoughts go hand in hand with that.
Thanks, Mary! Here's that post: https://practicingterraphilia.substack.com/p/year-of-spiritual-thinking-45-month "Rewirement" is the last section, and the word came to me via Dave Van Manen's "Ranger Dave Writes" substack. (He's linked in the post.)
Oh it sounds like this book should go on my list. It’s so hard, isn’t it, breaking from those societal values! I am with you in the middle age weight gain. It is such a battle to accept. Yesterday, though, I read that fat produces estrogen which we are in the process of losing, so in some ways that fat is protective. Helping us adjust to menopause, giving us a leg up against osteoporosis. 🤔
I love that Kim. Where did you read that? Would you share it here? It wasn’t my favorite of her books, but I couldn’t wait to read it each day and I walked away wiser.
Which is your favourite, Mary? (In case it’s one I haven’t read yet.)
I think Traveling Mercies is my favorite. I am going to read Stitches after reading people’s comments. What is yours?
I think it has to be Bird by Bird but I loved Traveling Mercies too.
It was in Woman: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier.
Thank you!
It is on my list!
What a delightful Sunday morning essay! Your garden looks beautiful 😍 And your thoughts on shame are spot-on. It is so hard to update our wiring, isn't it? I have similar yard and body issues. So many weeds. Think I'll work on doing with my unwanted thoughts what I do with my dandelions: note their presence and then let them be. We're all always works in progress, aren't we?
Thank you Rita. My garden is beautiful, and so am I and so are you.
I resonate with all of this post, but especially the body thoughts. Who is that woman on video who is 47, which is twenty years older than I think I am? I have been making videos of poetry readings over on my Substack, and hitting "publish" no matter what the recording reveals of my chin or cheeks or neck has been humbling. I have been trying to love her, this beautiful middle-aged woman who is myself. I am glad to be companioned in this.
Oh the neck….I get it Rebecca. I am finding the more I reframe, the more I can love myself as I am. It works more of the time. I hope you find the same. I’m going to check out your poems this week. 🌻
What a gorgeous post. Your yard is beautiful and so are you.
“It’s almost like my mind hasn’t updated yet. She’s still trying to run windows 2000. She doesn’t realize the system is no longer compatible.” This is a perfect analogy. I am with you. Thank you so much for thinking of me.
Thank you Keris! What a lovely comment! I am grateful for the solidarity.
Wow, I loved reading this. I'm 47 and relate to so much of what you said. Especially loved this: "It’s almost like my mind hasn’t updated yet. She’s still trying to run windows 2000. She doesn’t realize the system is no longer compatible. My current choices do not align with my past values, and this leads to confusion, and if I’m not careful, it can lead to shame." Also, your yard is beautiful! In my backyard, everything is only just beginning to wake up, but now I want to sit out there and read Anne Lamott's book.
Love this Mary! Anne Lamott’s books have been such guardian angels to me since high school! i haven’t gotten my hands on this one yet but am excited too! And shame has definitely been a frequent visitor to my guest house. It is always the best shame-antidote when I am reminded I am not alone in my shame. Thanks as always for sharing your grace with us!💗
Thanks Claire! Reading is a really good anti-shame antidote. What’s your favorite Anne Lamott book?
What a lovely and kind way to start this morning! Thank you and I send you wishes for a good week.
I have gone through Anne Lamont’s Stitches, and a couple of others sit in rotation next to my bed and meditation space.
Beautiful garden!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it Roger. Thanks for reading and for the book rec.
Were you reading my journal this week? I wrote about yard shame and dandelions and when did I cross over from a child who delighted in the fluff scattering on the breeze into an adult conflicted about a yard gone wild? My post on Wednesday may be about it. Thanks for reminding me of Rumi’s guesthouse, and the recommendation for Anne’s latest. Great writing, as always.
Yes, please write about it. 🤗 I am drumming a poem up, and your prompts always help. Thanks for being here, Julie!
I love your yard! It looks so beautiful! Wonderfully written essay as well. I’m with you -45- just moving into surrender with grace 💚
Thank you! Looking at the pics helped me remember where I am at and where I’m going. I appreciate your readership, solidarity and kind thoughts about my writing, Katie.