Why is it So Hard to Divorce a Book?
I'm sorry, I'm just not that into you
Welcome to Pocketful of Prose! Thanks for being here. A quick shout out to my friend Sadeen, who helped me come up with the title for this week’s post. This week I am writing about my struggle with letting go when it comes to relationships. My relationships with books that is, books that I’m just not that into. Maybe you can relate. I would love to continue this conversation in the comments, so please do stick around for that. I so enjoy when you all share how things resonate, and I particularly appreciate it when you take the time to read and respond to each other’s comments. Pocketful of Prose is free for everyone, so please share with friends. If you find yourself digging my chili with a spoon, it might be time to consider becoming a paid subscriber. Without further ado, today’s pocket.
It is such a good feeling when you can’t put a book down because you are so captivated by what is happening within the pages. It is pure pleasure. Maybe you are making meaningful connections in your life. Maybe, you are simply escaping your life for a bit.
This is how I felt the first time I read The Name of the Wind, by Patrick Rothfuss, the first book in the Kingkiller trilogy where we relish in the tale of Kvothe, who has “stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings…burned down the town of Trebon, … spent the night with Felurian and left with both (his) sanity and (his) life.” The story of Kvothe is both unique and universal, and he captures our heart completely. The book is 662 pages in hardcover, and when it was over, I was so sad. I wanted more. So, I read The Wise Man’s Fear, the next book in the series, and now I, like all of Rothfuss’ fans, am anxiously waiting for the third book to come out. (He has been working on it for over a decade.) Rumor has it that it is coming out this summer. Here’s the tea. I am not holding my breath.
The Name of the Wind was a long-ago birthday gift from my husband, and he nailed it.
The feeling of not being able to put a book down because we just can’t wait to see what happens next is so incredible.
But what about the times when we can’t put a book down even though we are really not that into it?
Have you ever kind of hated a book, but kept on anyway?
Why do we do that? Why is it so hard to divorce a book?
I tell my students to give a book 20 pages. If they are not captivated, if they don’t find themselves eager to read the next word, the next chapter, it is time to move on. If you find you have no desire to pick up a book again once you put it down, then don’t. Pick up something else. There are too many good books out there to get stuck in one.
But I really suck at taking my own advice. Before my loving husband gifted me The Name of the Wind, he recommended that I read Infinite Jest, and I did…over the course of six long, soul-searching months where I questioned if perhaps there was something wrong with me because the book was not resonating in the way it had with him. I showed up, albeit slowly, for one page after another, after another for 1, 079 pages. This is the kind of commitment that wasn’t brought up in our marriage vows. I did it. I finished it. I didn’t hate it, but I have mixed feelings about spending half a year reading it when I couldn’t tell you much about it now. I think it was about addiction and maybe also tennis.
Recently I found myself facing this conundrum again when two of my colleagues recommended a book that it seemed everyone on the planet, including Oprah, was also reading and recommending. I’m not going to tell you the title because it really doesn’t matter. You can probably make a good guess. I don’t want to debate the merits of the book. I’m more curious if you resonate with not being able to put a book down even when you kind of hate it. This book wasn’t as long as Infinite Jest, but it was still a whopping 546 pages. And I wasn’t digging that chili with a spoon from the get-go, but I kept going, and the farther I got in, the harder it felt to let it go. I was having my own Michael Corleone Godfather moment, “Just when I thought I was out, (it) pulled me back in.”
These are the books I missed out on while I insisted on finishing a book I kind of hated.
1. Seeking Fortune Elsewhere by Sindya Bhanoo
2. All the Honey by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
3. All the Things: Mountain Misadventure, Relationshipping, and Other Hazards of an Off-Grid Life by Ammi Midstokke
4. Hijab Butch Blues, by Lamya H
5. Nature’s Best Hope: A New Approach to Conservation that Starts in Your Yard, by Douglas W. Tallamy
These are the things I could have been doing instead of forcing myself to read a book I didn’t care for.
1. Looking at the inside of tulips. Who knew they were so incredible? And tulips are kind of everywhere in April and early Mary.
2. Cleaning my kitchen counter. If the choice is between reading a book that you like and cleaning, reading a book you like should win out every time. My kids know this is the surefire way of getting out of chores in our house. Just pick up a book. Works on Mama every time. However, if the choice is between reading a book that you really don’t like and cleaning, it might be time to do the dishes.
3. Playing basketball with Seabass. This is something Bass wants to do all the time, and at age 12, when he is still a half a head shorter than me, I still have a chance of beating him. He already outruns me and out maths me, so I need to seize this iron while it is still hot.
4. Picking up a new hobby. Watercolors anyone? It might be time to discover the artist within. If I’m going to do something because everyone else seems to be doing it, watercolors seem a safer bet than Oprah’s book club book.
5. Catching up on the phone with family members I haven’t spoken to in a while. Refer back to rule number two.
Despite my students telling me multiple times that I should just stop, that there are so many other worthy books in the sea, I refused to heed their sound advice. I kept on.
I finished the book.
The ending made it all worth it.
No, it did not. It most definitely did not.
So… what resonates with you? What are you reading or not reading? Are you like me, do you hold onto books for dear life, even when every fiber in your being is telling you to abort the mission? Or are you a little more chill and evolved, like my dear students who seem to be reading books they actually like? Perhaps one of the books I mentioned sparks something for you. Now that I am no longer participating in self-torture, I have moved on to books I want to read. I am reading Seeking Fortune Elsewhere, and I am pleased to report that seeking satisfaction elsewhere is leaving me feeling pretty satisfied.
Ha! I’ve gotten mad at a book before too. I think the worst part about getting stuck is that it slows everything down. It takes a lot longer to read a book you don’t really like.
The only times I’ll finish a book I’m not enjoying is if it’s for a class/book club or a thriller where I need to know the ending. Otherwise, I put down anything that’s not working for me. Sometimes I return to a book and I love it, while other times I never think about it again. Giving yourself permission to let go of something that’s not for you is a beautiful thing.